Goodbye Uncle Pad

A man so loving, so funny and kind,

A smile for us all and a Beautiful Mind.

Through all of our years guiding us on our way,

All of your wisdom has stayed with us I pray.

Dinner at Nan’s and off to the club you would go,

On with your coat and cap, then a quick “Cheerio”.

In you you had so much love for us to give,

But your poor mortal body could no longer live.

So Angels they came and carried you away,

And now in Heaven above with Bamps you must stay.

Together you both watch over us while we sleep,

But don’t you feel bad for us while we weep.

They are simply selfish tears of missing you,

Remembering all of the little things you would do.

Our memories live on, and the tears will slowly cease,

Because now above Uncle Pad you’re finally at Peace.

The Peaks Part Two

It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, it was hot in the sun, and we decided to go for a day out. We wanted to get a full day out, we found a little town not far away, with attractions like cave walking, cave boating, and a Castle we could walk to and explore. We strolled around the town centre, largely populated by pubs, which wasn’t an issue for us. We took in the sights and the locals and looked at the Castle from a far. I mean it was a long bloody walk, but from the bottom of the hill I say we had the best view. Dan and Katie even joined in with the local Rugby team who were doing precision shots for competitions. You had to throw the ball through a small hole from a distance. Dan unfortunately got his ass kicked by a girl, and Katie walked away victorious with a 4-1 win

It was cute and picturesque, with some really quirky shops for us to check out. One we found was a little on the strange side, it looked like the shop where people in the town’s stuff went when they die! We saw a mixture of really old antiques, some really beautiful stuff. Then came the sex toys, followed by a Shane Ward calendar, and a closed door that read “Massage Parlour Closed”! We were hoping at the time that it was a joke, but the owners didn’t seem like the people with that kind of humour. Combining that with the slap and tickle set, and handcuffs I think it’s safe to say we found a Pulp Fiction style basement shop.

We left with some haste and continued to explore the little town more. Unfortunately with the pub stops we missed the caves being over, so hung out at the entrance. I loved the wetness, and the fresh feeling that came from being in the caves. I can’t imagine what being inside would have been like, but from where we were it was just absolutely beautiful. I am always in awe of what nature can create.

We had a great day, we ate and drank and enjoyed each other’s company, even though we didn’t get around the attractions. The most fun was making our own fun. The weather was on the change and in began to pour down, so we made our way home to say bye to Laura who was going home to go on holiday.

Dan cracked on with making a feast for us all, and we decided to have a friendly game of Trivial Pursuit. I use the term “friendly” very loosely. We split into groups of three, and before we knew it we were locked in a ferocious game! Answers had to be word perfect to what was on the card. The timer could not drop a grain over. Iphones, and Ipads were brought out and I’m sure Google nearly crashed in the race to even question the super genius who wrote the game. Over time it became a two horse race. My team which consisted of Laura, Helen, Mia, Amy, and me were quickly thought of as, and I won’t beat around the bush, we were The Thick Team. I personally think we were just plain old havin’ a laugh!

While the others fought their way to the desirable cheese pieces, we knocked back some beer, flicked though some magazines, and got down to Glee. By the time the fates stepped in and we were in the lead, the others decided to call it a draw rather than losing to us.

The night turned to terror when Mia began making people drinks with her, as I now know them to be called, Mia Measures. With sniper precision she took each of us down one at a time. You’d never expect it from her angelic face, but the minx knew what she was doing, and my head really felt it the next day.

The night was full of drinking, singing and dancing which burned into the early hours of the morning, which ended in a medley of Disney Classics songs, from Aladdin to The Little Mermaid. Bed came quickly after.

I don’t know if I could recommend the Peak District to anyone who wanted to go, or even tell you for sure where we went. I can however tell you it was one of the best weekends I’ve ever had with a group of amazing friends.

A Different Look at the Peak District

5am is not a pretty site on a Saturday morning, and with only one hour sleep it looks even uglier. Lying in bed cursing my fella as the sound of my alarm blared on.

“Why’d he have to book the train so early?”

I didn’t have time to dwell on that though, so on the count of three I was up and in the shower with only the thought of getting some fresh air in the country, and seeing some chums to perk me up. We finished our packing and left in pretty good time, still with the bloody tube works we barely made it. We hit our sits breathless and settled down for a nice kip, and off we went. A quick change at Stockport which through tired eyes I hardly remember , then we were there.

The weekend had been planned for Dan’s friend Helen who’s going travelling in a couple of weeks, so 15 of us had rented a converted barn in Buxton in the Peak District. Dan’s been friends with his gang since school, and they’ve always remained really close despite them being in different areas of England due to Uni, and jobs etc. I’ve known them all about two years now so I was pretty excited to see everyone as well. We were the last to arrive, we had to work the Friday night so explains the lack of sleep, I did regret getting drunk in work because I was still a little drunk when we got there!

The pyjama party was still going strong when we arrived, people still feeling it from night one of the barn, they were still with it enough to give us hugs and hello’s though. The barn was gorgeous, with a massive open plan kitchen and living area, two toilets, and two showers, and two beds. Yes, that was two bedrooms for 15 people, we were split into couples and each couple shared the cutest little bunk beds. It reminded me of a school trip when you were a kid. We had some brekkie and headed off for a little explore to go trekking.

We found a lake and decided to head over, though when you’re in the country it’s called rambling, so we rambled on over when we came to a simple little wall we had to climb over. Easily enough everyone got over, until it came to my go. I don’t know how but I missed judged the little wall, slipped and took part of the wall with me. We bolted before the police would arrive and throw me in jail for damaging property!

We killed an hour or so, exploring, skimming rocks, gave some cocky looking sheep dirty looks, and even managed to adopt a dog. Colin. He joined the pack when we were making our way back to the car, he didn’t appear to have an owner around and just kept tailing us. We found a family of dog lovers walking their two hounds, but rather than helping Colin, we watched on, helplessly as poor Colin was mounted by another dog! This led me and Helen to question whether or not dogs care if they get it on boy girl style, and boy boy style? This question was never answered annoyingly!

Colin didn’t seem fazed so maybe that was a clue. We decided he would be fine and headed back to town. We even managed to pull over the Police. Yes in some twist of fate, a car full of civilians pulled the police over. That for me was the greatest definition of Karma. We told them about poor violated Colin we’d left in the car park, and I now hope he’s been adopted by Officer Handsome and is a police dog patrolling the streets of Buxton, that would be nice.

Our good deed, and hour doing the things you do in the Peaks had earned us a few pints and a watch of the ruggerz. It was great in theory to the country but let’s be fair, we were all thinking pub, pub, pub.

Back at the barn, the plan was take away. Everyone was KO’d and not in the mood for cooking, so we ordered a delivery. Here’s when this little anecdote takes a turn, the word delivery to me means you get brought your food. No, no my friends, this was not the way. Twenty minutes after our food was meant to arrive, we had a call. Our food was lost in the wilds! In true cavemen style, our group split into two some going to forage for our food, while the rest stayed back and made camp! Got the plates out, had a tidy then had some drinks! Same, same though.

Two hours after our ordered, and the heroes returned victorious, with their catch in hand. The barn went silent, no one spoke as we chowed down. We ate, chatted, played random drinking games which I plan to pass on for generations to come, then barely alive from the longest day of our lives, me and Dan headed for bed. I reminisced of my first brush with the Peaks, we’d seen a dog get molested, had to go looking for our take away in the back of nowhere and even managed to pull a police car! That was only the first day as well!

A Very Jager Reunio

I sat looking into the toilet bowl, my self-respect at an all-time low and the beginning of the hang over downer looming, all I could think was, what another crackin’ family gathering!

It started with my cousin Simon getting married in Mexico to his lovely, now wife, Michelle. With it being an intimate wedding in a plush hotel, family and friends couldn’t make it to share they’re day, so like many couples who take the wedding abroad route, they decided to have a party when they got back, which happened last Saturday.

Our family is pretty big. My boyfriend who didn’t know a single person at this shindig, will vouch for the fact we can fill a venue pretty easily, and that’s just immediate family! The sad thing about our clan like a lot of others is that we’re all dotted across England and Wales, and seeing each other all together is few and far between. The last time we’d all been together was two years ago, and not only that, this was the first evening event in I can’t remember the years where we’d all be drinking and not traveling home. I know I’m over explaining this but you have to understand that we had all geared up to make this a big one.

We arrived in a tornado of exciting meets and greets, and introductions for Dan of cours. It began civilly. Wines, Beers, Spritzers, chats, and pleasantries, however one phrase changed that for the rest of the night. Jager Bombs!!!

We congregated at the bar, not giving the poor bar boys a chance to catch their breath. Whenever I turned around a drink was handed to me. When that was finished another full glass took its place, we each took turns getting a round of Bombs in, then bombs turned into Tequilas, then immediately went back to Jagers when we came to our senses. The night continued in a mix of great banter, cuddles from the girls and “I love it when we’re all together”. The ladies obviously took to the floor, to classics such as Rihanna, Black Legend and obviously The Dirty Dancing Theme, which I thought was great point to turn to my younger cousin Paul and say catch me! Lucky enough he declined.

The thing I notice about being the younger one of the family is that you’re always watching out for getting caught doing something stupid. From family dos in the past I always remember this. It doesn’t matter how old you are, or how long you’ve been out in the world on your own, when you get together with the family you always revert back to a child like sort of demeanour. This however was not the case, because the very people I would usually behave in front of were the ring leaders in this gathering.

Too quickly the bar was shutting, but not before my brother in law could buy 12 Jager Bombs and 12 Tequilas! The rush of the final shots, led to chants of “We’re all going to town”. We gathered in circles and continued the chants, ridiculing the cousins who wouldn’t join us.

My Mum, and sister were the unfortunate ones to taxi us down to town. This couldn’t have been pleasant for them! On the journey it wasn’t too long before Paul shoved his head out the window yelling “Bus Wankers” at passersby, and in true Inbetweeners Fashion we were stopped at traffic lights. Lucky for us Bromsgrove isn’t the kind of place where people will attack your car.

We got in the club and the drinks continued! Round after round. We danced to ridiculous songs in even more ridiculous styles. We chatted, and then it gets a bit dark. I don’t know the time, or when it was I got lost, but it was while dancing on the stage among other piss heads I looked around thought, it’s time to go. Taxi!

So back in my Aunt’s bathroom. A little worse for wear, and feeling as bad as I did, it was all worth it. It’s always great when you’re reminded how great family is, and how great it is to all hang out, be with each other, and having a great time. Even through my alcohol hazed memory!!

Like A Bat Outta Hell!!!!!!

It was 3pm on Friday, and I had that real Friday feeling just rushing through my veins. The weekend I’d been planning for months had arrived, and I only had two hours to wait then I was on my way to see my ladies. Three of my best friends were travelling all the way from good ol’ Welsh Wales to the Big Smoke for a visit. It wasn’t only the first time they were visiting me in my three years in Londinium but the first time we were going to be together for as long as I can remember, I couldn’t wait!

With the speed of a child at the school bell I ran out the doors of my pub, where I’m Assistant Manager, bid the guys a good night with a smug look on my face as the pub busied up, and I was off. I got to my sisters where we were meeting and waited for their imminent arrival! What I didn’t realise, my friend Leah was driving. To someone who doesn’t know Leah this can be confusing. You’ve heard of the phrase “You’ll be late for your own funeral”. This was written with Leah in mind. We have been Bezzies for 15 years, and in all that time she has not only never been on time for anything, but never been less than two hours late for anything! So once again me and my sister Gemma waited. The

majority of the bloody night we waited!

Busying ourselves with Gemma’s new baby, wine and fake bake, eventually they arrived. We squealed, delighted, reminisced about the good old days like good old friends do, and drunk champagne and wine. Like Welsh girls do! Before we knew it we were girlied out, and it was time for bed. Little did we know another guest had decided to join the party!

From downstairs I heard Hayley and Leah scream and scarper across the landing into mine and Nicola’s bedroom. I ran tearing up the stairs and straight into their room. I ran into the room where I was smacked in the face by a bat! I couldn’t have been more surprised if Tony Montana stood there with a baseball bat in his hand to beat me to death. This was a real, living breathing, nocturnal, what the hell are you doing in my sister’s house, BAT!

Like I said there were four girls. So like any girls in a high adrenaline situation we let our instincts take over and did what came naturally to defend ourselves from this creature of the night. We screamed. Then we screamed some more. Then Gemma came running and she screamed. Then the baby screamed. We turned to Steve my sister’s husband to come and save the day. He came bounding up the stairs, ready to defend us like any Alpha Male when his home is threatened, and opened the door where the fanged beast was, and you guessed it. He screamed! Hope was lost.

So the situation was, he was in there and we were in the hall.

No one dared open the door. Time ticked on, and for all we knew the little shit could have been redecorating in there. It was obvious that none of us were willing to take the plunge and take that bastard out. Someone had to do something. I don’t know if it was our friends in peril, my nephew in danger, or just the buzz of the wine and champagne but before I knew it me and Hayley were dressed top to toe in hoodies and jogging bottoms. Ready for battle. With baseball hats on, and jumpers tied around our faces to protect us (not looking too far from the riot photos on the news!) we were ready to go in. All we needed was a game plan. Go in covertly and take him out peacefully. Or actual plan, run in, throw something at it then shoo it out the window. We knew it was going to be a team effort!

We flew in threw the towel, and it darted around the room. Heading right for us. We dove and ducked as it flapped around our heads. Hayley dove onto the bed screaming “Faye please don’t leave me”! I knew then I was on my own. Through my tears, sweat, and I’m not gonna lie, I probably crapped myself a little, I whipped the towel with all my might and sent that daemon straight back to hell. Or through the closest window. As quick as it had begun it was over. We left the room heroes. A little warmer, wired, and with a great story to begin our weekend.

We Write Because We Write.

We Write Because We Write.

It’s been over a year since I think I’ve written anything. I used to write. I used to write all the time. Everyday. Reviews, Articles, Features, Poems, Short strories. Anything. I wrote because I enjoyed it. I wrote because it helped me. In my everyday life it made me feel good. Whatever happened I wrote about it.

Then for some reason I just stopped.

I finished my degree, and I kept writing. Then I watched, as so many of my class mates went on to write. Professionally write, what I used to call real writing. That’s where I got hung up, and that’s when I forgot the importance of writing. What it means to be a writer.

As soon as I forgot that and began comparing myself to other people, and what they were doing, was when the FEAR began! I lost confidence in myself, my ability, and worse my writing. When I forgot the importance of writing, I forgot how much I loved it.

It was only when I was searching through some old papers that I dicovered a box of all my old writing. A fraction of what I’ve written through my life but ones that mean so much to me I keep them with me at all times. Everyone who is a writer has these stacks of papers. Reading these was when I decided to say ‘to hell with it’. SO I’m going back to basics. I’m writing what I want to make me happy, and I’m putting it out there for all to see. All the little insperations life has to offer! From moving in with my best mate, to opening a new pub in East London. Alot is changing for me over the next few months! There should be ups, and downs, triumphs and fails, but it’s gonna be a fun ride!

Would love feedback of anykind if you care to take a read from time to time. My writing is back and it’s out there with it’s big brass balls in it’s hands!!!!

Koh Phangan

The boat over to Koh Phangan was a quick but rough ride; luckily enough for the four of us we were lost to sleep so didn’t face the same shame as many of the other passengers of losing their breakfast in front of roughly 100 strangers. We arrived on my favourite of the islands Koh Phangan, at 9 am. We were once again helped by more of the locals who assisted us in finding the most beautiful bungalows; they kind of reminded me of the bungalows from Dirty Dancing. We walked down the path and we were paired off, me and my Sister Laura in one, Lauren and Alysha in another. We weren’t there two minutes before we went to explore our bar and beach that our bungalows were sat on. It was amazing. So beautiful, even more beautiful than the last.

We were gearing up for The Full Moon Party which would be taking place in a matter of days, so relaxing and exploring was more on the cards for us. Our bar was constantly open, I don’t know whether this was a good or bad thing, because now looking back I can’t differentiate the days because they seem to merge into a Mojito filled daze that Lauren and I took full advantage of. When drinks are so cheap there’s not really much you can do but take advantage. Bottles of beer for a pound, Cocktails for £1.50, it would have been criminal to walk away. This is what I tell myself to ease the guilt of my lack of memory.

We took a walk into the town which was two internet cafes, a general store, and travel agents. The road was made of dust and sand, and open air trucks rarely passed by. It was amazing (I’m sorry to overuse certain words but every time I think back to this trip I become awe struck that I went there and did the stuff I did, and experienced how truly life affirming a trip it was). We went into the travel agents and discovered a day trip that was a once in a life time opportunity all for under £20. I couldn’t believe what we could do here, the freedom that we have, I felt like I was always taking advantage of the people and the country because of how far out British money can take you when you’re there. So while in Thailand we all became good tippers! To show our appreciation to the locals and the different communities who allowed us to integrate their circles and help us. So for less than what you could spend here on a lunch with friends, or some drinks, and for a lot less than a decent haircut back here we had a fun filled day ahead of us.

The Day Trip.

The day began at 7am, and we sat on the dusty road awaiting our ride to meet the rest of the people we were going out with. The trip began immediately for us, as we sat waiting and waiting. Our ride eventually arrived. It turned out we were actually forgotten about, and the usual taxi could not come back for us. We were loaded into the back of a white open back truck. Not the usual ones you would see around Thailand. This was actually a truck with two wooden blocks on each side for the four of us to sit on. We were held in by nothing! We really felt the fear this time. We wound around lanes, and dirt roads hitting 60, even 70 mile an hour. Nothing to hold on to. Nothing to keep us going over the 2inch frame that held us in. Everyone looked at us as we screeched to a halt in front of everyone who was eating their inclusive breakfast. A banana and a cup of tea was given to us and we set off again. Having no time to thank god for us getting out alive.

The Elephant trekking was the first stop on our day. We watched as our guide, a crazy haired Thai version on Russell Brand called Honey showed us around the camp and demonstrated how they had trained monkeys to collect Coconuts from trees that were too tall for me to climb. This being Thailand, and like I said before their general easy going attitude towards health and safety meant that looking up and oohing and ahing over a monkey jumping from tree to tree turned into fleeing from a rainstorm of coconuts. They dropped literally feet from where we stood. Looking back it’s funny that we were so close to skull cracking danger, but at that moment in time we were all nervous.

We all hurried as a group away from the crazy coconut wielding monkey, and back to the Elephants, we all climbed on one by one. Us being a bit awkward wanted to ride in a three and thinking that they would let us all climb onto the seat on the Elephants back we jumped on as well. First Lauren climbed in, then I squeezed up next to Lauren, but before Laura could climb on they motioned for the Elephant to move back. We all started shouting “wait” thinking they were forgetting Laura. If only that were the case. Laura was quickly rushed onto the Elephants back and made to sit behind the huge beast’s gigantic ears and sit on his neck!!!! This for her was less than enjoyable, because though like most people I thought of Elephants being smooth, kind of like in Dumbo, not like they actually are, rough like sandpaper and covered in hair. I may sound naive, but I’ve never been close to an Elephant, or even really watched them on TV programmes, so my reaction was Hair! Seriously! As we went up hill, and downhill Laura the exercise expert had the chance of using her thighs of steel to stay on. We held onto her so she wouldn’t plummet to her death. Mum would blame me if this happened! After this it was pretty much a terrifying ride. Mine and Lauren’s seat was barely strapped on and at one point I had to scramble back up one of his legs just to stop me hitting the floor. All we were doing was laughing as we made it back to the camp. We reconvened with Alysha and the group and jumped back in the truck for a visit to the Chinese Temple.

The temple was gorgeous so old, and beautiful, I would recommend anyone who went to Thailand to take this trip because we just saw everything. The guides were so informative and fun, just joking around with us all day. We learned how all Thai people know their day and time of birth because they have a different Buddha to represent each day of the week, it’s a better version of a star sign. We walked around and saw all the gold Buddha’s and the different Temples where people prayed. It was good to get a bit of culture from the trip, but then we were straight back on the Longtail boats and headed over towards Bottle Beach where we snorkelled. Once again, our guide didn’t care much for health and safety and just handed us our equipment and said “jump in”. SO we began to and then after half of us had hit coral he turned back from his stoned state and simply mumbled “watch the rocks”. I loved their laid back carefree attitude. It was fantastic, it’s something that I would like to adapt to my way of life, it’s so addictive, and it would be a much better Britain if we lived more like that too. Unfortunately I lost my contacts so when everyone else was shouting “look at the colour on that fish”, and “that one’s a weird looking fish” all I could see was little blurs!

After an hour or so we headed over to the beach to have lunch, also included in the price. We were given a couple of hours to hang out with everyone else, sunbathe, play in the water, relax and enjoy the time off the boats. We met some really amazing people; two American’s a South African and a fellow Brit! Sounds like the beginning of a joke! We joined forces and hung out with them for the rest of the day trekking, waterfall diving, and being soaked on the Longtail boats. We were all so relaxed that we couldn’t’ think to change seats and try and give someone else a go at getting soaked. The water was choppy as we made our way back towards Koh Phangan making one last stop at one of the Island, Tong Nai Pan. This was where Laura found her Mecca. There was one small bar along the whole stretch of beach where we landed, and all along the stretch of palm trees beds hung and people were just sleeping on them in the shade. It was the most beautiful places I had ever seen in my life. We had some beers and once again the focus of the holiday we relaxed. So much of our time was spent just drinking in the moments and the memories that we were creating so we would never forget them.

All for less than a haircut we had the best day of our lives, made some fantastic friends in the process, Ryan, Jenna, Becca, and Scott, and experienced things we’ll probably never experience again. But that’s not the end of the trip.