Koh Phangan

The boat over to Koh Phangan was a quick but rough ride; luckily enough for the four of us we were lost to sleep so didn’t face the same shame as many of the other passengers of losing their breakfast in front of roughly 100 strangers. We arrived on my favourite of the islands Koh Phangan, at 9 am. We were once again helped by more of the locals who assisted us in finding the most beautiful bungalows; they kind of reminded me of the bungalows from Dirty Dancing. We walked down the path and we were paired off, me and my Sister Laura in one, Lauren and Alysha in another. We weren’t there two minutes before we went to explore our bar and beach that our bungalows were sat on. It was amazing. So beautiful, even more beautiful than the last.

We were gearing up for The Full Moon Party which would be taking place in a matter of days, so relaxing and exploring was more on the cards for us. Our bar was constantly open, I don’t know whether this was a good or bad thing, because now looking back I can’t differentiate the days because they seem to merge into a Mojito filled daze that Lauren and I took full advantage of. When drinks are so cheap there’s not really much you can do but take advantage. Bottles of beer for a pound, Cocktails for £1.50, it would have been criminal to walk away. This is what I tell myself to ease the guilt of my lack of memory.

We took a walk into the town which was two internet cafes, a general store, and travel agents. The road was made of dust and sand, and open air trucks rarely passed by. It was amazing (I’m sorry to overuse certain words but every time I think back to this trip I become awe struck that I went there and did the stuff I did, and experienced how truly life affirming a trip it was). We went into the travel agents and discovered a day trip that was a once in a life time opportunity all for under £20. I couldn’t believe what we could do here, the freedom that we have, I felt like I was always taking advantage of the people and the country because of how far out British money can take you when you’re there. So while in Thailand we all became good tippers! To show our appreciation to the locals and the different communities who allowed us to integrate their circles and help us. So for less than what you could spend here on a lunch with friends, or some drinks, and for a lot less than a decent haircut back here we had a fun filled day ahead of us.

The Day Trip.

The day began at 7am, and we sat on the dusty road awaiting our ride to meet the rest of the people we were going out with. The trip began immediately for us, as we sat waiting and waiting. Our ride eventually arrived. It turned out we were actually forgotten about, and the usual taxi could not come back for us. We were loaded into the back of a white open back truck. Not the usual ones you would see around Thailand. This was actually a truck with two wooden blocks on each side for the four of us to sit on. We were held in by nothing! We really felt the fear this time. We wound around lanes, and dirt roads hitting 60, even 70 mile an hour. Nothing to hold on to. Nothing to keep us going over the 2inch frame that held us in. Everyone looked at us as we screeched to a halt in front of everyone who was eating their inclusive breakfast. A banana and a cup of tea was given to us and we set off again. Having no time to thank god for us getting out alive.

The Elephant trekking was the first stop on our day. We watched as our guide, a crazy haired Thai version on Russell Brand called Honey showed us around the camp and demonstrated how they had trained monkeys to collect Coconuts from trees that were too tall for me to climb. This being Thailand, and like I said before their general easy going attitude towards health and safety meant that looking up and oohing and ahing over a monkey jumping from tree to tree turned into fleeing from a rainstorm of coconuts. They dropped literally feet from where we stood. Looking back it’s funny that we were so close to skull cracking danger, but at that moment in time we were all nervous.

We all hurried as a group away from the crazy coconut wielding monkey, and back to the Elephants, we all climbed on one by one. Us being a bit awkward wanted to ride in a three and thinking that they would let us all climb onto the seat on the Elephants back we jumped on as well. First Lauren climbed in, then I squeezed up next to Lauren, but before Laura could climb on they motioned for the Elephant to move back. We all started shouting “wait” thinking they were forgetting Laura. If only that were the case. Laura was quickly rushed onto the Elephants back and made to sit behind the huge beast’s gigantic ears and sit on his neck!!!! This for her was less than enjoyable, because though like most people I thought of Elephants being smooth, kind of like in Dumbo, not like they actually are, rough like sandpaper and covered in hair. I may sound naive, but I’ve never been close to an Elephant, or even really watched them on TV programmes, so my reaction was Hair! Seriously! As we went up hill, and downhill Laura the exercise expert had the chance of using her thighs of steel to stay on. We held onto her so she wouldn’t plummet to her death. Mum would blame me if this happened! After this it was pretty much a terrifying ride. Mine and Lauren’s seat was barely strapped on and at one point I had to scramble back up one of his legs just to stop me hitting the floor. All we were doing was laughing as we made it back to the camp. We reconvened with Alysha and the group and jumped back in the truck for a visit to the Chinese Temple.

The temple was gorgeous so old, and beautiful, I would recommend anyone who went to Thailand to take this trip because we just saw everything. The guides were so informative and fun, just joking around with us all day. We learned how all Thai people know their day and time of birth because they have a different Buddha to represent each day of the week, it’s a better version of a star sign. We walked around and saw all the gold Buddha’s and the different Temples where people prayed. It was good to get a bit of culture from the trip, but then we were straight back on the Longtail boats and headed over towards Bottle Beach where we snorkelled. Once again, our guide didn’t care much for health and safety and just handed us our equipment and said “jump in”. SO we began to and then after half of us had hit coral he turned back from his stoned state and simply mumbled “watch the rocks”. I loved their laid back carefree attitude. It was fantastic, it’s something that I would like to adapt to my way of life, it’s so addictive, and it would be a much better Britain if we lived more like that too. Unfortunately I lost my contacts so when everyone else was shouting “look at the colour on that fish”, and “that one’s a weird looking fish” all I could see was little blurs!

After an hour or so we headed over to the beach to have lunch, also included in the price. We were given a couple of hours to hang out with everyone else, sunbathe, play in the water, relax and enjoy the time off the boats. We met some really amazing people; two American’s a South African and a fellow Brit! Sounds like the beginning of a joke! We joined forces and hung out with them for the rest of the day trekking, waterfall diving, and being soaked on the Longtail boats. We were all so relaxed that we couldn’t’ think to change seats and try and give someone else a go at getting soaked. The water was choppy as we made our way back towards Koh Phangan making one last stop at one of the Island, Tong Nai Pan. This was where Laura found her Mecca. There was one small bar along the whole stretch of beach where we landed, and all along the stretch of palm trees beds hung and people were just sleeping on them in the shade. It was the most beautiful places I had ever seen in my life. We had some beers and once again the focus of the holiday we relaxed. So much of our time was spent just drinking in the moments and the memories that we were creating so we would never forget them.

All for less than a haircut we had the best day of our lives, made some fantastic friends in the process, Ryan, Jenna, Becca, and Scott, and experienced things we’ll probably never experience again. But that’s not the end of the trip.

Lamai

With the good comes the bad, and with the bad comes the good. This is what travelling taught me. The sun shone in on our room the next morning, the toilet incident was far behind us. I waded through our oversized netting which hung over us. Laura was very regimented on the building of the net. A previous plague of puss blistered bites had brought her last holiday to an abrupt halt, and this would not happen again. Each night we shielded ourselves from mosquitoes, and other biting bugs.

I eventually found my way through the netted web, and looked out over our Ibiza town, and was taken aback by the beauty of the mountains that sat only miles away from the little village. I had only ever seen beauty like this in books or on wild life programmes. It’s a cliché but it took my breath away. The greenery which spanned the entire distance as far as the eye could see looked painted on the trees to create the most perfect green I had ever seen. Picturesque does not sum up the view that I was looking out onto, it only cheapens the beauty by making it seem like an over exaggerated claim of a moderate image.

We headed out almost immediately, and jumped in an open air taxi. This was a truck which had bars going the length of the back and over our heads to keep us as “safe” as possible. We travelled along the road and down along the coast, where the views became more beautiful and more incredible than I could ever imagine. It’s difficult to write about the views and the beauty because to put it in words only brings the feeling of failure that I cannot in good conscious justify with descriptions what we saw. The awesome sights of nature. The piercing blue of the sea that stretched across the horizon. The white sands that appeared to have never been walked on. It was fantastic. We couldn’t stop smiling as we spun around in our seats, desperately trying to take in every inch of landscape. We drove for twenty minutes until we came to Lamai. Amid palm trees, and through a path of sand, were large bungalows. It slept four and was right on the beach, it was perfect.

We spent the days there relaxing and acclimatising ourselves to doing nothing with our time. These were the days that we chosen to simply be idle, spend some time just enjoying the beach and the cuisine Thailand had to offer. The spices, the freshness of all their cooked delights. A pure taste of paradise, lying on the beach, waves lapping over your feet, drinking cold beers. What more did we need in life. Um, a Thai massage please. This I have to say was one of the most surreal experiences I’ve had with a masseuse. We all lay in beds next to each other, as they played relaxing, soothing music. The massage started like any other shoulders, back arms, neck and so on. Then out of nowhere this little woman began pulling at my feet like she was trying to pop them off. I could hear my bones cracking; she stood on me and entangled our bodies together like vines from a jungle plant. She pulled at me like I was some sort of Stretch Armstrong! Up and down my body, at some point I even winced in pain.

It was the best massage I had ever had. It was definitely caught on the pleasure/ pain ratio of things, and for some reason I could not hold in the giggles that erupted from me every time she pulled on an arm or a leg. The fact that this tiny little woman was jumping all over me just gave me a nervous feeling. No area was restricted. At one point I even believe she was doing back flips on me. It was a great but painful experience. From then on I stuck to having my feet massaged which came with a lighter, less vigorous massage. Yes some say I needed to toughen up, but I felt the fear, and her name was Yau.

KOH SAMUI

We had arrived in Koh Samui. Honestly it wasn’t what I expected, but it was 9pm and hot! The memory of the cold night in Abu Dhabi was merely embers now on the fire of my mind. We shopped around for an hour looking for accommodation for the night before we got our teeth stuck into our trip.

The first thing that sparked my love affair with Thailand was the polite and friendly people. The first man we met was a taxi driver. I began to get weary as we wound our way down dark lanes, deeper into country, with no light or any other cars around us. We were four women in a foreign land, and apart from Alysha’s yoga flexibility we didn’t have much defence on our side. We arrived at some hut apartments and the man urged us to follow him along the dirt path, leaving our stuff in the car behind us. We watched as he began talking to a group of men, continually turning to point at us, and shaking his head as the group of men and him exchange price rates. This was it I thought. Just like on television, just like that film TAKEN! We were going to be sold! What were we thinking getting into a car with this man? I looked at my sister Laura who was holding my hand. She didn’t seem worried. My life flashed before my eyes. My first thought. I haven’t really done anything. It was true. Thailand was going to be my first great experience, and this is the price I pay. Damn me for grabbing life by the balls. With that the man walked back to us. This is it I thought. Whatever had happened he didn’t seem happy. He rounded on us, I had no Idea what to think. He stopped in front of us. The men started to walk off their porch and edge towards us. I could feel sweat dripping down the back of my neck. (Looking back it was probably the heat).

“Not for you lady. We go. Too much. Too much.”

We walked back to the car. Guilt and stupidity washed over me. What kind of cynic had I become where I immediately see the worst in a situation. Is that what western civilisation had done to me? Make a suspect of this man who, for the same amount as we would probably spend on a bottle of cheap wine was going out of his way to make sure we had somewhere nice and cheap to stay. This was only the first of many experiences on the extent of human kindness I would come to see again in this beautiful Country.

After a few more stops we arrived at an apartment. We sat in the car, while our man went and arranged prices and duration of stay with the owner. He came back out satisfied that we could stay there. We thanked him and went in. We split into the two rooms, which were clean, refrigerated, and out the window we saw row after row of bars and clubs. We were jet lagged and exhausted, but it was only 10pm, and it was the first night of our holidays. Before we had even thought of going out, Alysha in all her extravagant glory bounded into our room, eyes sparkling, gave us our half hour curtain call before we would leave for drinks. She was right, she was what we needed, so we got out there as ordered.

The strip was not what I expected from all I had heard of Thailand, and what I had read. I wasn’t expecting to see anything like this until we hit Bangkok. It reminded me of something that you could easily see on Ibiza Uncovered. We walked the strip looking for somewhere to get our first drink, the streets were lined with people, the music blasted out of each club that we passed. Beautiful ladies (well what I thought were ladies at a first glance) called us into their club. It was manic. We walked into a little bar and got two jugs of Chang beer. Chang would be our sponsors for the entire trip! We sat and toasted to everything we could think of. By the end of the jugs a couple of beers had turned into cocktails, and we paid our pennies and headed for a huge open air club down the street.

We danced in to the club, more relaxed from our trip with a buzz of energy from our Chang, maybe a little delusional from the jet lag, but ready to enjoy. Cocktails in hand we hit the dance floor. In a stereotypical “woo” girl fashion we partied it up, dancing to track after track, forgetting the tired, forgetting everything except the here and the now. The fun and the feeling. The people, the excitement. The bladder! Logically who can continually dance in a euphoric style with a couple of pints floating around their system. Toilet break was called. Pretty much the end of the night called as well.

I stepped into the toilets, looked down at my submerged feet. I prayed it was just water and continued in. Where I was greeted by the worst toilet I had ever seen. Kim and Aggie could not have tackled this one. All I could think of was thank god my Long time OCD suffering sister Gemma had not joined us on the trip. This. This would have killed her. The flushing apparatus was made up of a cup which sat in a bucket of water, which was then poured into the toilet. This I was fine with. Only in this case, the bucket overflowed with urine, and little drops of, in a polite manner, faeces. I retched into my hand turned on my heels and was ready to go. The 18 to 30’s aspect of Thailand I was ready to run away from. Onwards to the Beauty we went!